Deciding to remove yourself from a narcissist relationship can be one of the most challenging and scary things to do. People often spend years in these toxic and abusive scenarios because they are too afraid to leave or don’t realize they have the power to.
Recovering from narcissistic abuse can be a long and emotionally draining road and often requires the help of professionals, loved ones, and, most important, rebuilding your sense of self.
Once you have decided to leave, the healing process can begin. If you’re unsure how or what that looks for you, here are seven tips to help you recover from narcissistic abuse.
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What Is Narcissistic Abuse?
Narcissistic abuse is defined as the emotional, sexual, physical, verbal, and psychological abuse a person uses against another to manipulate and control a partner’s emotional and behavioral health.
There are several forms of narcissistic abuse; some of the more common ones include:
- Verbal abuse consists of bullying, shaming, belittling, name-calling, criticizing, and blocking behaviors
- Gaslighting is a form of abuse used to make the person question their perception and believe they are mentally incompetent.
- Emotional blackmailing uses tactics such as threats, anger, warnings, intimidation, or punishment to provoke fear, guilt, obligation, and doubt.
- Manipulation is having an indirect influence on someone’s thoughts and behavior that allows for them to act in accordance with what the manipulator desires.
- Withholding sex, money, affection, communication to gain dominance or control over another
Other forms of narcissistic abuse are:
- Lying
- Sabotage
- Exploiting
- Neglect
- Character assassination
- Isolation
There are typically seven warning signs or symptoms someone can experience in a narcissistic abusive relationship.
- You do not recognize yourself anymore, feelings of disconnect from everyone around you and change in personality are signs of identity erosion
- You have extremely lowered self-esteem and consistently focus on your flaws
- Consistent negative thoughts that nothing you ever do is good enough
- Your health and energy is slowly diminishing
- You feel like you have no support system because you have been made to push everyone away
- Extreme mood swings and exhibiting behaviors you never had before in past relationships like jealousy
- You often experience anxiety or panic attacks
While these signs and symptoms can vary in degree and consistency, they are often looked past or explained away by the person experiencing the abuse. Narcissistic Abuse Victim Syndrome can take years to recognize and leaves the abused feeling isolated, confused, and unaware that there is help out there.
How Long Does It Take To Recover From Narcissistic Abuse?
Recovering from narcissistic abuse is not something that happens overnight or even a couple of days. There’s is no magic formula or medication one can take to make all the pain and trauma all better or disappear.
Recovery, as with any trauma the body experiences, is a personal matter that depends on many factors to overcome. These include whether or not the abused is genuinely ready to leave the relationship and seek help or will continue the cycle of abuse again.
Once they are ready to leave the relationship, recovery relies on seeking professional help from a therapist and not sweeping it under the rug, hoping they will just be okay.
Long-term effects of narcissistic abuse are also part of recovery those who have suffered must contend with. This can be trouble sleeping, mood swings, loss of trust, continued isolation, physical alignments, and difficulty making connections with people.
The important takeaway for anyone on the road to recovering from narcissistic abuse is that it is a personal journey filled with many ups and downs and can only be successful with patience, compassion, and time.
7 Tips to Help Recover From Narcissistic Abuse
Ending a relationship with someone that exhibits narcissistic traits is just the beginning of recovery. Survivors often state identifying that the person was narcissistic was the most challenging part of deciding whether or not to leave.
Abuse in any form is deeply traumatizing to the victim, and recovery can be a long and arduous road but one that can be accomplished with help.
Establishing and accepting that you did experience abuse from a romantic partner, family member or friend, is an essential first step toward recovery; the rest requires a little more time and love.
If you are someone you love believes they are experiencing narcissistic abuse and have decided to seek help, here are seven tips to help recover from narcissistic abuse.
Tip 1: Stay Away from Your Abuser, Effective Immediately
Ending the narcissistic relationship and remaining consistent with that choice is the first step in recovery. Taking back your power and deciding you have the ability to leave is the beginning of a very long journey.
Establishing a no-contact under any circumstance agreement with yourself is the second step in recovering. It is imperative that you remove yourself from the person that caused the abuse so that you can begin to recognize that it was, in fact, abuse.
Continuing any contact with your abuser will hinder your ability to seek further help as they will most likely lure you back into a relationship using the same tactics that kept you trapped for so long.
Set boundaries that allow you to feel safe, and make sure you keep them. Accepting the help of family and friends to keep you focused and on track can be extremely crucial when you first leave.
Tip 2: Allow Yourself to Grieve Fully
Whether abusive or not, ending a relationship can be a harrowing process. Allowing yourself time to grieve the end of your relationship is healthy and necessary.
Survivors often state that they stayed for so long because the thought of leaving was too painful, and the shame and guilt they were made to feel was overwhelming. Give yourself time and space to feel the loss and acknowledge the grief.
Expressing emotions and letting yourself feel the mood swings can be a therapeutic part of recovery. Abusers often prevent their victims from genuinely feeling or expressing emotion as a way to control their emotions.
Narcissistic abusers use scapegoating and manipulation as tactics to keep their victims confused and on an emotional rollercoaster.
Letting yourself cry, scream, yell, and voice your array of emotions is all part of the process of reclaiming your identity and regulating your emotions back to a healthy norm.
Tip 3: Recognize and Label You Were in a Narcissistic Relationship
Recognizing the signs and symptoms of narcissistic abuse can be difficult, but identifying your experience can help in being able to process what happened.
Legitimizing that your experience was narcissistic abuse can allow you to see it objectively. Abusers can perfect the art of going from one extreme to the next, being charming and then abusive, which confuses the abused into believing that they weren’t abused.
Abusers often blame their victims for forcing them to treat them the way they do and, typically, why it is difficult for survivors to see the behavior as actual abuse.
Validating that your experience was, in fact, narcissistic abuse and not your fault can be a tremendous eye-opener and a small release from guilt or shame associated with the relationship.
Tip 4: Find a Support System
Seeking professional help is one of the most crucial steps in recovery from abuse. A therapist can guide you into establishing boundaries, identifying triggers, and providing therapeutic tools for your recovery.
Being able to speak to a licensed professional specialized in this form of abuse can allow you the ability to see it from the outside in.
It is also important to re-establish the relationships you may have let go of while in this abusive relationship. Reconnecting with friends and family can be a nourishing and positive way to rebuild healthy connections.
Looking for a recovery program, Check out this article to find the best narcissistic abuse recovery program online.
Tip 5: Rediscover Yourself, Forgive Yourself, and Practice Self-care
One of the main things a narcissistic abuser does is break down your sense of self. Victims sacrifice their identities to better align with the needs, desires, and wants of their abuser.
For example, they lose weight, change their hair, wear different clothes, speak differently, drastically change their personality, or get surgery to alter their body and face.
Take time to get to know yourself again; remind yourself who you used to be, what you liked, your hobbies, and what made you happy. Reconnect with the person you were before and establish who you authentically desire to be going forward.
Forgiving yourself for all the abuse you endured in the name of love is a vital part of recovery. Survivors are often overwhelmed with feeling guilt, shame, blame, and disgust for what they allowed, endured, and accepted when they believed they were in love and being loved.
Practicing self-care routines can be a great way to claim your identity and self-esteem back and also social activities to reconnect you with people who can remind you of your old self.
Some self-care routines can include:
- Journaling
- Exercising
- Joining a support group
- Meditating
- Going out with friends
The object of this recovery tip is reclaiming your sense of self and the power that was taken from you during the abusive relationship. Finding what creates happiness in your life can bring you one step closer to reminding yourself that healing is a day-by-day recovery.
Tip 6: Accept Intrusive Thoughts and Develop Tools to Heal Them
Many survivors of narcissistic abuse find it difficult to cope with negative thought patterns that intrude on their everyday lives. It is normal to experience self-limiting beliefs from the aftermath of the abuse, and creating productive ways to heal from them will assist in recovery.
If you have sought professional help, they may have suggested different techniques to use when intrusive thought patterns come up.
One technique could be journaling; this can be an excellent resource for coping with thoughts and then writing them down to release them. Allow yourself a set amount of time daily to jot down all the thoughts and feelings.
Tip 7: Practice Patience and Self-love
As with any traumatic experience, patience and love for oneself are vital for recovery. You must have compassion for yourself as some days will be more difficult than others.
Understanding and recognizing when you need to practice self-love during the hard times can be just as important as any other facet in recovery.
Outro
Recovering from narcissistic abuse is a very individual experience and requires delicate care and empathy on the victim’s part. The trauma you experienced did not happen overnight, and neither will recovery. Give yourself plenty of patience and love to navigate through the ups and downs.
